Thursday, December 23, 2004

Moms Support

I posted this on serviceflags.com's user forum in response to a similar post by another mother. I hope it turns into something large.

My son is deploying to Iraq right after Christmas. I have been looking all over the internet for other mothers who feel the way I do about it. I know what you mean when you say your life is at a standstill. Intellectually I know the odds are good that my son will come home. That does not comfort the deepest part of the mother's heart.

Sometimes I get that shaky feeling you get when your toddler walks away from you in the grocery store, and momentarily you don't know exactly where he is. That's how I feel about my son being gone. We've been preparing for this deployment, knowing it was coming, for a whole year, now. I've had time to work through some of the issues. As it gets closer, it just seems to get harder.

My son will be here tomorrow with his wife, for 24 hours. I feel very fortunate to be with him for xmas. After that we won't see him again for many months. We won't be able to just give him a call when we want to chat. His 23rd birthday will come and go, and we'll do our best to celebrate with him long distance. His wife will have her graduation from college and he won't be there to applaud. I am hoping to connect with other mothers in my situation. Since my son is married, I am not in the communication loop between the Army and the family. I have to rely on my daughter-in-law to give me information, and I want to know all of it.

I, too, served in the Army National Guard (my son is in the Reserves), so I am too familiar with what he's going through, the training he is receiving. My former unit in the 39th Brigade is currently serving in Iraq. One of my dearest friends from that unit was killed in the first months there. I know how the Army operates, and so I understand when my son says he doesn't know what day he'll be in Iraq. He doesn't know and they won't tell him until he gets there. The sites and sounds of my own intensive training is still palpable in my memory, these 20 years later. When he describes the training to me on the phone, I can feel it again. It's a mixed blessing, being personally familiar with the ways of the Army.

If anyone knows about a place where mothers are gathered to support each other while their children are deployed, please post it. While mothers and spouses of those deployed have similar worries, it just doesn't seem the same. I specifically want to connect with other mothers. I am not interested in the politics of it. I have my own opinions on that, and it divides us and I would like to focus on the thing that we have in common; the deep and abiding wish to have our children always and forever out of harm's way.

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