Cooler in the Shop
I have a rather large workshop on my property. It’s about 1100 sq ft, a giant rectangle back there on the side of my 1 acre lot. It’s almost as big as my house. If you add in the studio building which is nearby, I actually have more square footage in my workshop/auxiliary than in my entire two story house.
The workshop, which we call “The Shop” has a lot of junk in it. Lots of valuable things, too—tools and furniture and such. It’s also holding as much as it can of what was in the studio for a while (art supplies and etc.) because we are rehabbing the studio and getting it dry and tight. The shop is an interesting place to cats and dogs. They like to go in and sniff around at all the things that have left the property and come back with foreign smells. There are probably rodents who pass through or nest in there as well. Whenever the shop doors are open, Cooler the black cat is sure to be striding through, sniffing around, sneaking into the dark places, exploring amongst the boxes that haven’t been unpacked since 3 or 4 moves ago. Naturally, Cooler has been locked up in the shop for days at a time. In fact, when he doesn’t greet me in the morning, I scroll through the Rolodex that is my mind to see if anyone’s been in the shop, and then I go open the door just in case.
Last night my son Jon had a car in the shop, replacing the radio, late into the night. When he was finished, I asked him to make sure he turned off the lights and closed the shop doors, which he did. He doesn’t live here all the time, so of course he wouldn’t remember to call Cooler out of there before he closed up, and the dogs will always follow or precede you out.
This morning I came down as usual and started the tea. Fizler, the black and white cat, came right in and started mewing at me. One little mew every 30 seconds or so. He kept walking to the 2-gallon water dispenser that all 4 animals share, and I looked and someone had licked it completely dry, dirt and all. There’s always dirt in it because my dogs are terriers and they don’t care that they eat dirt all the time. The cats sleep under the azaleas, so there are always tiny azalea leaves floating in the water, too. I don’t clean it when it gets dirty if the water is still full, because it will be dirty again in a couple of hours.
So Fiz is mewing at me every 30 seconds. He usually only mews at Charles, for his early morning scratch, so I know something is wrong and I realize the water is empty. I apologize to him and pick up the jug and carry it to the sink. Zeke the dog rushes into the inner chamber of the bowl to get a drink, because there is always a little water in there when I take the jug out. Fiz looks at me with the chagrin only a cat can muster. He’s thirsty, dammit. Get this dog out of here. I fill a pitcher and dump it in the bowl, which runs Zeke off, then set up the jug to fill, which takes a few minutes. I then check the cat food bowl (full) and, satisfied I have met Fizler’s needs for the day, I sit down to my tea.
I can hear Fizler’s petite little tongue lapping up the water and soon turn my attention to email and am not aware when he stops drinking. But, he’s not satisfied…he comes to my side and begins his mewing interval again, jolting me back to real life. He’s not the kind of cat who needs a lot of petting or holding. He usually gets his daily scratch from Charles, early in the morning before work. Charles picks up Fiz and holds him on his back, like a baby, and scratches his belly. This lasts only about 30 seconds before Fizler must get down, but they do it every day, and Fiz expects it. Then Charles rubs off the mass of black and white angora off his clothes with the lint roller. When Fizler rubs against my leg I enjoy it and turn to be present with him.
What’s up, Fiz? And where’s Cooler? Percy the dog is upstairs asleep with Will, Zeke’s sleeping with Jon on the couch in the living room. I check the windows. My 110 year old house has windows on every wall. Big wavy-glass windows, which I refuse to cover. I look to the west out the kitchen, glance out the front to see if he’s sunning in front of the gate, get up to check the back porch and look over the sink out to the back yard. No Cooler. Fizler continues his soft, occasional mews.
Ah, you’re right! Jon WAS in the shop last night. I go on a hunt for flip-flops…any pair will do, and I find them in the living room. There are too many broken acorns from the squirrels to walk barefoot. Zeke is alerted and hops down to see what’s up. I meet Fizler on the back porch and the three of us stride out to the shop.
I open the door and say, “Here Coo-Coo!” Instantly he comes running from his nighttime accommodations amid the boxes, around the partially assembled bookshelf, then slows to a walk when he sees Zeke in the doorway. Zeke retreats, knowing that he will get a cat paw to the face if he goes any closer. Fizler waits outside. Cooler strides out the door as if to imply his wake-up call was 5 minutes late. I close the door and the four of us walk back to the house, each maintaining their station.
Order and Chaos
Order and Chaos
Lighting up the house as you go...
My younger kids (5 and 8) don't like to go upstairs by themselves at night. Sometimes in the day too, (esp. if they have just seen something scary on tv).
~~~
I remember *being* like this. We had a "rec room" in the basement when I was a kid. Lots of room for lounging about, and so the whole family spent Saturday nights down there watching TV and drifting off to sleep after the news (no one wanted to wake up enough to get up and turn the TV off, so I would often wake up when the "ant races" came on).
I remember one time, when I was about 9. It was springtime, and we had all been out doing stuff all day, playing or working in the yard. The house was cleaned up and I was freshly washed. Dad asked me to go upstairs and adjust the thermostat, something I'd never done before. I was proud that he asked me to do something important and just for adults, but I was scared to DEATH. I said I didn't want to. He cajoled me into it, and it was obvious my brothers weren't going to budge. I finally opened the basement door, flipped on the hall light, looked up the stairs for a second...I KNEW my family was watching to see if I would run. I took a deep breath and started up the stairs at kid-pace, but not running. Turned the corner at the middle landing and RAN the rest of the way to the thermostat just at the top of the stairs.
I stood there, breathing heavily, and remembered the instructions. I adjusted it just like Dad told me to do. Proud of myself for doing it "just right", I took a deep breath in appreciation of the heat coming on. Then, I realized I wasn't afraid anymore. I stood there at the top of the stairs, took a look around the living room, flipped off the light and walked calmly down the stairs.
My pride had overcome my fear.
How does your unschooling garden grow?
From the Unschoolers of the Ozarks list:
Denise, I don't mind if you set up your own park day or whatever for a younger group or other group. Once we get going with park days again (very soon) I don't see any problem with inviting those people to it. However, they should know up front that this is an unschooling group--period. Park days are for playing--we won't be having any curricula swaps or anything like that. (All days are for playing, in the unschooling world.) Also, child respecting parents are always welcome, even if they're not unschoolers, but should be able to appreciate the concept and be respectful of it around us. I'm always willing to talk about it with people who want to know more, but the group needs to be peaceful.
The reverse of that is the parent who unschools, but spanks or shames their child in public. I don't want to be around that person. I would, however, like to give that child a chance to know that all adults are not like that. So, I'd give that parent a chance if they wanted to know a different way of behaving with their kids.
What I'd like to see is the Unschoolers of the Ozarks become an umbrella or safe-haven for unschoolers, and wannabe unschoolers. Apolitical, cooperative, and just structured enough to defend against those who might wish to change flavor and intent of the group. I know this can be done...There are two groups with which I was involved personally that have grown from a group JUST like this one into amazing, living, breathing organisms in their own right.
www.geocities.com/unschoolersofmemphis and
http://www.geocities.com/live-and-learn.geo/These are both groups that have spread out in many different directions, but none of them contrary to the original idea---support for people at home with their children. Live & Learn was originally founded (by me and others) as the first INCLUSIVE group for homeschoolers in Little Rock. The only way to be inclusive was to make it as unschooling friendly as possible (the religious aspects aside). There are plenty of curriculum users in Live & Learn now, and unschoolers and religious people, too. Designing it so it was the least restrictive to allow for unschooling also allowed for the least restriction on everyone. We even welcomed people whose kids were in school if they had time to come and play. The normal interplay between people of different philosophies gives it balance, as long as they are respectful of others choices, and focus on the common and not the differences. The people who use curricula have formed their own little learning circles, and yet they participate in the park days and etc., and it's all under the umbrella of Live & Learn.
You may be wondering why Unschoolers of the Ozarks is not an "inclusive" group. One reason is I'm just too old for big dreams with regard to raising my kids. Only one left and he's almost a teenager. Nothing sadder than an unschooling mom without any kids still hanging out at park day!
The other reason is that unschooling as lifestyle is more known and accepted. Homeschooling is way more known and accepted. There are already plenty of inclusive groups, but none of them are as unschooling friendly as I would like (understatement alert!). When Live & Learn was started, it was THE alternative group in Little Rock. It still is to some extent, but that's because it's grown so much and I guess other people who might otherwise think of starting a group realize there's no use reinventing the wheel.
Basically, I want to be an out of the closet unschooler. Right up front about it. People need to know what they're getting, and that's why it's called UNSCHOOLERS of the Ozarks. If anyone's not fine with that, there are plenty of alternatives. I'm here. I'm queer (the old fashioned way). Get used to it. ;)
I would love nothing more if the people with younger kids in UO would use the email list to plan a toddler storytime or something like that. Use the list as a means to connect with other unschoolers. I am using the Arkansas Unschoolers list that you started, Denise, in that same way. The Unschoolers of Memphis have plenty of things like that--the Play-Do Gang and the storytelling at the Nature Center, Mom's Book Club (which doesn't even have all homeschooling moms anymore). There's even a Mom's (and Brad) Night Out, because one of the stay-at-home parents is a dad and he goes out to dinner with them. In Little Rock, there are off-shoots of Live & Learn in Conway and Searcy and Saline County. Those families in that area get together for local park days, and then do the regular L&L stuff, too. It doesn't affect the structure of the group at all, and provides wonderful options, which is what unschooling is all about.
There may come a point in UO where those parents who start a toddler play time decide they want something not-unschooling for their families, and that's fine....godspeed. But they'll be expected to leave the name behind, too. I'm not going to be the police about it, but I have no qualms about telling someone to stop using our name if they're acting contrary to the ideas set forth here. Instituting rules and committees and dues and dress codes--no thank you. Form your own group, leave mine out of it.
Here's something I wrote at the beginning of Live & Learn back in 1996, I think it was, and it has stood the test of time. It's still on the Live & Learn website:
"There are no committee positions to fill, programs to administer, or weekly dues to pay. Our group is not a political one. We celebrate, embrace and advocate free thinking for all. Therefore, we will provide a conduit for information about homeschooling issues and information important to all Arkansas homeschoolers, but we won't tell you how to think about it. No one can claim to represent our group in any form of political process. If you are interested in a place where you and your family will be nurtured, accepted, and inspired in your vision please join us."
Again, Live & Learn was a "homeschooling group", not specifically an unschooling group. I didn't think I'd find very many unschoolers around there, and I was right. But hey, it's 9 years later--the idea has taken root.
If any of you feel I have worn the mantle of "leader", I now disrobe. What I want to be is co-operator, partner, facilitator, and if I have to, I'll put on the armor of protector. We are all facilitators, partners, and empowered individually and as a group to further the vision.
Facilitate your child's bliss and make Unschoolers of the Ozarks blissful.
So, Denise, network all you want. Be creative. Make things happen. You know what unschooling is. If there's a problem, you can count on me to be reasonable and peacable about it and we'll work it out together. That goes for all of you. :)
Karen
Sleeping in
My friend Julie wrote:
But where do you draw the line as an unschooling parent? What is non-negotiable? If its not usurping(hmmmm...presuming/preempting/appropriating/supplanting) to do things like feeding a vegitarian child meat, forcing an unschooling child to"do" schoolish stuff, or spanking a non-spanked kid (all in thecontext of younger/complacent/fearful kids who would not/could notfight back but go along)then what is it? Besides just being plain rude.....
~~~
It's a good question. I'm going to be a grandmother and my grandson's mother will get her teaching degree before his birth.
We bump heads on a lot of things. I try really hard not to bump into hers if I can help it. I stopped sending her the cool articles I run across on this list about co-sleeping, etc. (An issue she has taken a stand against.) She is capable of changing--she recently decided to stay home with the baby until the spring semester of school, instead of spending all summer looking for a teaching job for the fall and then giving birth just as classes are about to start!
I expect I will get to keep the baby for a weekend here or there. I'm the only one of his grandmothers who doesn't work. It will be convenient for them and they love to travel, so I'm certain it will come up. (I do suspect Jake will be more likely to want the baby with him all the time, since he won't get to know the baby until he gets back from Iraq, so my supposing could all change.) I can't give it breastmilk unless she's pumping, and I'm not sure she'll be nursing (although I did send her Dr. Spears' book). I've been saving Will's crib for the grandbabies, but I've already decided this baby is sleeping with me, if I get to have it overnight. So much better for the baby.
She'll think I'm spoiling it. She will think the baby will not want to go to sleep in its own bed when it gets home. I'm just not going to care that much what she thinks of it, and I'll probably not tell her unless it comes up. Oh, not that I'll lie or anything. I will give her every reason to trust me, while minimizing conflict. I'll be walking that subtle balance between preserving relationship/influence and losing both. So much more ticklish with daughters-in-law, it seems.
Karen
The best reply ever...
Well, maybe Mandy has called you, maybe not, but we're having a little boy!!
She went to Shea on Sunday and she says she's 99% sure. She bases her professional reputation on how accurate she is because she's almost never wrong, so I believe her. I'm so excited.
I got a letter from Will today. He should expect one soon, I'll mail it tomorrow. I really appreciate the pictures, I'd love to have more.
Well, that's all for now. I love you and miss you. Say hi to everyone for me.
Love,Jake
PS - Mom, aside from being in Iraq, I've never been happier.
Sweet Boy
Did you know I still have your pacifier in my sock drawer? It has lived there since the day you stopped using it. Moved from house to house and city to city, along with my socks. Most days I don't notice it, but sometimes I do, when I'm digging around looking for something. It's a reminder to think of you, and I always do, and you know what? It reminded me of you when I saw it even before this whole Iraq business and before you grew up and moved away.
And now you're going to be catching the pacy is it flies through the air, and relying on the stupid thing so you can get a few hours' sleep.
You've never given me any reason to worry about you, Son. Except maybe that one year at the UofA...not to bring up painful memories, but even then I knew you'd grow up eventually. That's what being a parent is about--having hope for the future, NOT expectations, but HOPE. Expectations lead to argument and disappointment. But hope, it's a mutual thing.
happy. healthy. responsible. That was my hope for you and your brothers. I wrote it down a lot of places when it was just you, Jon and I. Maybe I'll hunt one of those notebooks up so I can see where I've been.
happy. healthy. responsible. Principles that I held dear, which informed my behavior. Sometimes I didn't use the right rules to apply the principles, and the outcomes didn't line up. Rules are such inadequate tools, anyway. On balance, though, I'm satisfied, and my only regrets lie where you find me lacking.
All of us find our parents lacking in one way or another. I try not to take it personally. For the hurts you harbor which I don't know about, I apologize. And for those I know. My greatest hope for you now is that you have the opportunity to apologize to your kids, someday.
I rejoice in your sense of responsibility and I'm envious of your startling good health. Are you happy, son? I hope so.
Love,
Mom
